Good Bad Good Smile

Upon the hill there stood a cow,
It's not there now
It must have shifted

-William Topaz MacGonagall

Things you may not know about me...

1) I have never seen The Godfather

2) I hate tomatoes and ketchup but love salsa

3) I can drive my car with my feet

4) I have never seem Top Gun and never intend to

5) My favorite sound is the dull clink that soup cans make when they bang together as you put them away in the cupboard

6) Loves dunking Carl's Jr. chocolate chip cookies in ice cold water to freeze the chips, but only Carl's Jr cookies!

7) I cannot walk down a flight of stairs without looking down the entire time. This is why I will never be Miss America.

8) I absolutely despise Sublime!

9) I cannot dive

10) I hate talking on the phone. But I love missed calls. Then I will text you in response.

...

I would like to think that I can walk through life alone,
but there are too many groups of slow moving of Asians in my way...

Must watch more than once...

Love those Swedes

A Poem for Mittens

Little Cat
She sits in wait,
With gleaming eyes
Outside my gate.

Unsightly and matted
Grey and white,
Interrupts with scowls
The silence of night.

With lips parted “shoo”
I swallow with care,
For eye has met eye
In shyness and dare.

My hand and her paw
Are matched beat for beat,
An enveloping softness
I turn upwards to greet.

I swing wide the gate
No more shall she roam,
For both her and I
Have now found a home.

Patriotism at its finest!!!

Musings on marriage

A few weeks ago at work a beastly looking woman plundered through our doors in search of a husband. After relinquishing her extra caramel white mocha into her stubby little hands I realized that I had gone to school with this fried food amalgamation. Fortunately she failed to recognize me and tromped off in search of her poor unsuspecting blind date that I have no doubt she lured on the internet with a blurry-picture-of-myself-in-the-mirror-that-you-can’t-really-make-out. Her date was not an unattractive man by anyone’s one-to-ten scale and looked stoically resigned to the idea that he would have to at least forfeit a half an hour of his time to this Hee Haw cast away who was now suffocating the seat in front of him. At least he made her pay for her own drink. They shifted into small talk; attended _____, grew up______, favorite______, oh my god you______ too! Just as I thought my eavesdropping efforts were in vain she leans across the table with the kind of seriousness usually reserved for Catholics and nurses with bad lab test results and said,

“So what are your feelings on marriage?”

Without skipping a beat, he leaned back in his chair and replied,

“What do you know about Henry VIII?”

That was a week ago. I have still not stopped laughing. To this man, if by chance you ever happen to read this, I am sorry. I will be stealing your comeback and passing it off as my own. That said, your next drink is on me.

Wow, did I really give into this? As a "writer" with more than half a dozen carelessly scrawled in journals lying around I finally decided to channel all the nonsense in my head into one concise (ha!) blog that will most likely only ever be read by myself. And upon discovering that I am more than ok with that fact I will proceed